Today I had something different planned to write about. Bindu Wiles’ post on Shutter Sisters touched me deeply and I think it is time to write down my grief about Tom and share it here.
Bindu’s post is about emotional pain and that writing helps to process your pain. A part of her post is about the recent loss of her beloved dog Rumi.
After reading about Bindu’s grief my tears finally showed themselves. I thought about Tom. My sweet Tommetje, to whom I still haven’t been able to say goodbye to. Maybe I never can.
It has taken a long while before I could write about you and even now I’m not sure if I am ready. My grief for you has been hidden deep. You were so precious to me that I haven’t been able to say goodbye.
It seems an eternity that you are gone, but still so close too. It is only four months that you passed away. To lose you too after the loss of Jesse felt hard. For all this time I haven’t been able to cry. It seems that life goes on so easily without you, as if I don’t miss you.
But I do, so much. There isn’t a day that I don’t think about you. You were always honest, understanding and generous in love. You loved me, despite you were four when I came into your life, and that made it so easy to love you. The only thing I could do was love you back. And I did that with all my heart. You made my life so much richer with your presence.
You were so happy to be with Eric and me, always close. Where I went you went too. Being a nuisance sometimes too, wanting water while I wanted to do the dishes. Or slipping into the shower and running back to the kitchen soaking wet.
When I felt sad you were close, sitting with me, comforting me. You felt how I felt. When I am sad now I miss you even more. I can’t be with you, hold you close and cuddle my sadness away.
Your friends also miss you. You were so important for our little group. Even more than I realized because now you are gone Kees has changed into a scoundrel who is constantly bullying the girls. The house is so empty without you.
It was unthinkable that you would leave us. In just one week you were gone, so unexpectedly. Eric & I weren’t ready and so were you. You didn’t want to go, but your fragile body gave up.
My sweet Tom-tie-diddle, you have taken a piece of us with you. You feel so close still. I hope that it stays that way. I know that you’ll be waiting for me when my time has come. Our bond is unbreakable.